craving a new generation

perks of thesis research: reading comments that other readers left, 

“JesusHchrist” “Why?????” “NO!” “Foucault, foucault” “X” “!!!!” “CHECKMARK” and correcting grammar/miscues…. 

the trace of nomadic texts

If I picture you singing me a song about us, I hear you gasp an inhale over the words I want you to say. I want you to claim this beauty and touch. I want you to say you recognize what is here, this breached space between us, the unfurling ahead of us. Your guitar picks clang distinctly; your hum is juvenile. There is richness in your voice, are we a part of it? Here, here stretch my skin here.

It is easy to stretch my pelvis and demand it at you. Even more to encircle your mouth with my tongue. I freeze at the thought that you might touch me lightly. Handle me rough and I wont look at you in your slate concentric eyes.

I’m laid to waste and I blame your diaphragm.

Flick, flick the tapping is nonsense. With my womanness, I see a diagram of erogenous zones; I haven’t found all yours and I’m left to wonder where was next.

You said – no more – I am stunned and stunted.

In heartbreak, it is a rich existence. All the tenors and fillers of the void, to recognize it, push it smaller, mirror it, distort it, and maybe even chase it. I’m still after you, dumbstruck me. Waiting in waste, soon, I can laugh at the dumbness of it all.

E

Ecology is the fascination here. Any single event is attributed to the simultaneous forces at work, and now the work from media makers is to make those forces visible. I thought I wanted to dedicate my brain and creativity to filmmaking for this reason; to be able point the lenses, to work in the editing room, to utter sounds to show what is there but left unseen. Maybe I haven’t seen an

watched any inspiring films lately. Maybe I don’t have the literal/visual capacity for cinematic storytelling, but somehow I resist a full forward plunge into filmmaking. Maybe its lack of financial stability and this deep seated fear that there is no sustaining artistic contribution within me in that world. Perhaps documentary has imprinted a certain understanding of how much work it requires, and how fickle the tangible rewards can be. Still, still, discovering a story fuses my life into something else.

Something else, that was the basis of my counter-culture undergraduate. Let’s look at all these systems and lets make something else. Let’s see what else is out there.

ThThis

 just bred postmodern anxiety. It brought me here to NYC, so thank you for that cultural literacy. IT gained me some vocabulary to come to the New School. The first year of the New school has accelerrated my intellectual capital, thank you. Now I feel strongly wanting to be a part of the media studies academia. These digital media conversations are inspiring, and it

sparks thoughts I had doormant. The goal here, on this tumblr, is to trace my thought process, othro

… orthop…

i

t

 the orthography has bme  feeling pressure to really clue in to what I m research ing and talking about. There’s this hunger, and it’s nearly outpacing the quality of a firm knowledge. But I can’t just keep repeating things until I memorize them, I have to learn how to consume this faster, because i need to retrain my brain to be more dynamic so I can reach all my inner ambitions. I crave a phd, not for the prestige, but for the well of thought and intellectual labour that might, just might force out those impulses, those pricks ive felt when things are wrong, not morally, but perceptually, those pricks of when the world makes me want to shut down all windows and dream of travelling elsewhere. There is something here, this time, this mess, and academia is hospitable to these types of ideas. I want to be able to maintain a creativity, develop a writing vitrousity, mapp out  the concepts as I consume/experience them, and really set up beacons of ideas that I can attach myself to.

to muy audience, set your expectations high. This is a hasty post, with many uncomfortable errors because my browser is being difficult. I find it charming so I’ll leave this stream of computing consciousness alone. 

to expect from me;  reflections on my coursework, discussing things that I am grappling with, documenting the different projects that I will be doing. 

setting up markers for my thoughts, and soliciting contestable and aggregation of the current challenges in the digital media scholarship. I will make one post a day, no matter how mundane. The point is not to be the most interesting person in the blogsphere; the point is to get to it. 

“Smoking a cigarette at her window is one of the few freedoms left to her,” said the group, which demanded the release of both Liu Xia and her husband.

a many thought, thought

oh seattle

I don’t want a house; I want a toolshed

if you ever sipped guiness through a cigarette filter